Tuesday, 19 March 2013

212.3 Miles From "Home".

Scrolling down social media sites it becomes aware to me how many people I have lost contact with since moving away.

Momentarily I feel regret for moving, 
I feel regret for losing these people close to me.

It lasts all off about a minute.

& then I think,
I've never been more at peace, more happy than I am down here.
Friends aren't friends if they put no effort into keeping in touch with me.
(& it's not through a lack of trying on my behalf... but that's a different story).

There is two or three friends I keep in touch with,
But it turns out strangely, its the people I just didn't expect.
Those "best friends" disappear.

Maybe its my fault for moving so far.

But people change when they move away.
Well. No, they don't.
It just certain traits become more dominant.
They become more selfish, or more snobby.
Its not really my scene.

I miss my family,
OF course I do.
Sometimes I just want to be having a chat on the settee with a cup of tea and my mum.

I'd like to think I've changed.
I look at myself from two years ago and I see a clingy person, ridiculously insecure and suffering.
Now i'm independent. I do what I want on my own when I need to do it, i'm organised, efficient and determined. The insecurities still need a little work.

BUT; now I have such amazing people surrounding me,
I'm unsure if its my problems, but I've always felt pretty alone.
Now I don't. I have a network of people I can go to if things get rough, that'll support me and be there for me. (Without judging me & talking behind my back).
& It makes me really happy.

I'm the type of person who needs a lot of "my own time".
I have a whole flat with just James & Tigger.
As much space as I need. 
I'm about two minutes from the sea front, 
five minutes to work, 
& ten minutes to uni.

University is hard, of course.
People still upset me, of course.
But at the end of it all i'm so much happier.

I'm kinda going through a phase where I just think, forget it.
Forget those who upset me and forget what they think.

The thought of graduating is a bit intimidating.
James wants to move back home.
I want to settle down here.
Eventually I want to get out of England,
Find somewhere Sunny and set up a new life by the beach.
But that's a way off yet.

"Blue Skies Are Coming, But I Know That It's Hard"

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